On Tom Sawyer

This week's book learning is from Dan Pink's book on 'Drive'.

Tom had just been given the rather boring task of whitewashing his Aunt's fence. As he began painting, his friend Ben came by, nibbling an apple.

(Language below has been edited for sake of simplicity)

'Would you like to go swimming, Tom? Don't you wish you could? And not just work on such a beautiful day'
'What do you call work? Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?

That put things in new light in Ben's eyes. 'Say, will you let me whitewash?' Ben asked

Tom immediately proceeded to play 'hard to get' - 'No no. My aunt Polly is very particular about this fence. I reckon there's only 1 boy in a 1000, or maybe 2000 who can do this'

'Please Tom - I'll give you my apple.' Ben offered longing to paint the fence.

And thus, as the day progressed, many boys came and went. Tom ended up wealthy owning several marbles and other such goods while Aunt Polly's fence was of course, whitewashed three times over!

Through this example, Dan Pink illustrates a simple point that has been around for decades. 'Carrots and sticks' are not the answer to everything! Simple shifts in perspective and the way we position work can convert 'work' to 'fun' in no time. We are personally way more inspired to be 'the best fence painter in the world' versus earning $5 to paint a fence.

Here's to tapping onto our intrinsic motivation this week, then!

40 Healthy Relationship Signs..

If you’re in a healthy relationship, you know it. In fact, you and your mate likely worked hard to get to that point. However, it’s not always a clear when we’re NOT in a healthy love relationship. Why? Well, we usually carry on relationships in ways that we learned from others—and to us it seems normal.

We may not realize that our parents’ 40 year marriage was the epitome of dysfunction. We may think Leave it to Beaver was the perfect example of what life, relationships, and family are all about. We may not realize that smiling, happy couples have problems behind closed doors.

The 40 healthy relationship signs below are meant to open your eyes to what healthy relationships are all about. It’s not all smiles and kissy-face; but it’s real.

1. You can be your true selves with each other.
2. You feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, fears, and emotions with each other.
3. You rarely lie to each other, but you also refrain from being brutally honest.
4. You give each other space and/or “Me time.”
5. You make it through rough times as a couple without splitting up.
6. You agree (or genuinely agree to disagree) on financial matters.
7. You treat each other the way you would like to be treated, not necessarily the way you feel you’re being treated at the moment.
8. You and your mate completely deal with your problems, refusing to leave them unresolved until resentments form.
9. You forgive each other for mistakes.
10. You don’t tell each other what you should or shouldn’t think/feel.
11. You both listen without interrupting.
12. You respect each others’ privacy.
13. You speak each others’ Love Language, even if it’s different from your own.
14. You willingly make sacrifices for each other.
15. You share mutual interests and activities.
16. You respect each others’ individuality and make the most of your differences.
17. You act as each others’ backbone, providing loving support without guilt.
18. You share spiritual beliefs or a spiritual connection.
19. You show sensitivity to each others’ needs.
20. You discuss and negotiate instead of fighting.
21. Each partner takes responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings.
22. There is mutual trust and dedication.
23. You have a strong friendship.
24. In addition to loving each other, you genuinely like each other.
25. You don’t judge or force your opinions on each other.
26. You take quality time to nurture your relationship.
27. Both partners maintains his/her own set of boundaries and respects the boundaries of the other.
28. You are both attentive to the needs of yourself and the other.
29. You enjoy physical contact (hugs, kisses, cuddling, sex) together.
30. You show appreciation for each other.
31. Hardship, uncertainty, and disagreements are accepted as a part of life.
32. You communicate openly and meaningfully with each other.
33. There is equal power between you and your mate.
34. You keep your expectations of each other in check.
35. You genuinely apologize to one another when feelings are hurt.
36. You and your mate speak up assertively instead of expecting the other to read minds.
37. You both eliminate passive aggressive behavior (ignoring, silent treatment, eye rolling, stomping, hanging up the phone) as much as possible.
38. You have a strong sense of interdependence (mutual responsibility) to each other rather than dependence or co-dependence.
39. You avoid going to bed mad.
40. You CAN live without each other, but you choose each other over every alternative choice.

If all 40 of the above apply to you and your spouse/mate, you’re in better shape than most people in the world. However, every relationship has its challenges.

Instead of using the signs that you’re in a healthy relationship as a way to judge yourself and your mate, use them as a guide to growth. After all, relationship success is a part of self improvement success.

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Special mention to Girlfriend,

All the 40 things mentioned above are true between the two of us..

I love you darling <3 You mean the world to me! :)

When you work your butt off for something

You tend to count results. (What happened? Did they turn out in proportion to the effort? Were they deserved etc?)

Results are important - there is no doubt about that. We are measured by them at the end of the day. However, the bigger the stakes, the bigger the chances luck influences those results.

As a result, it is very easy to be disappointed by bad results when they do come our way. And sometimes, a stretch of bad luck may even influence some critical points in life.

In my view, we are probably better placed if we ask ourselves one additional question

What did I become from it?

Many a time, the results may not go our way but the learnings from the experience make it well worth it. Failing a driving test may be well worth it if we ended up becoming better drivers.

I spent a good part of 3 years working on a dot com that didn't work out. Was the result ideal? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. The learnings I got and the people I met gave me a platform to build from, for a lifetime.. Often, it is the 2nd question that saves us from 'death by introspection'.

Hodge Twins

This is the video made by the Hodge Twins after the UCLA girl,Alexandra whatever-her-name-is made the video ranting about Asians and their attitudes.

If I had to say anything to her, it would be:

Asians are really interconnected to each other,their families come in front of any damn thing to them and you white people better understand that!

They aren't brought up in the same kind of upbringing as you, parents take care of their children till they start earning and not like the American parents who let go of their kids when they're 16 and ask them to fend for themselves.

Just because the language they speak isn't understood by you,doesn't give you any right to rant against them.

And you find 'hordes' of Asians in your apartment? Wow. I assume they are under your table,hanging from cables and coming up from all parts of the place? Oh come on, Asians are the biggest race in the world. They are the largest race too.

And if you want to talk smack, do it to yourself. Because if you do talk shit, there is going to be a difference of opinion even with your own friends and that is how your stupid video came on the internet. Through one of your friends who disagreed with you on your stance on Asians.

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These are some of the reaction videos by Asians in the United States

And this one is with the original video.

As I opened my email excitedly this morning...

(Being away from my family, closest friends, I wake up all excited in the morning to check my personal email in the hope of finding a nice long, detailed filled note..)

..and began reading an email from a close friend, I realized the power of sharing your life with somebody else. Especially when it is not because you 'have' to but because you 'choose' to.

This friend evidently made quite an effort to type that email as it had all sorts of funny poetic verses. Through those few paragraphs, I could sense joy, anxiety, smiles and frowns. For a moment, my mind was transported back to the olden days where one might have had to wait for days for a letter from a loved one.

It is all so easy now, isn't it? We can now hear from friends and family through a little touch screen handheld device from the comfort of our bed! So easy that we take it for granted and probably do less of it than we probably should.

It's a simple question, really. Whose life have you touched today? The easiest place to start is with close friends and family. A simple note is guaranteed to brighten up their day.. So, go ahead. Do it.

We live to be touched by all those around us after all..

The Indian Mom

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now

Love,

Mom.

Lesson of the day . Don't Lie to Your Mother...especially if she is Indian!

This is so true lol

The Effect of Football..

Today is the day of two high-octane clashes in the Premier League.. One being the less in excitement,Chelsea playing Birmingham at home and the other being the Spurs playing Arsenal at home.

The first halves are over in the games and I haven't had this much fun before!
Leave out the Chelsea game since I do not really like to watch their games. Let's talk about the Arsenal game.

4th Minute: (Cesc)Fabregas threads a fine pass to (Theo)Wallcott stays on side as the defence rushed out and lured the Goalie into a 1-on-1 and slots the ball 15 yards from goal

4th Minute (83 Seconds after the Arsenal Goal): Again the offside trap was sprung and (Rafael)Van der Vaart raced through into space after a perceptive ball from person unknown to me precisely at this time and he blasted his shot into the corner 82 seconds after Arsenal had gone ahead.

13th Minute: "I'm going to be pooped after this". Diaby on the right of the box, or moving towards it, and threaded a pass to Nasri running on to the ball slightly to the right of the D. He belts it across goal towards the bottom right corner and Gomes can't get down quick enough.

40th Minute: Sagna and Fabregas almost pull off a one-two on the right of the Spurs box but Bale intercepts and knocks it out for a throw, from which Sagna plays in Walcott right by the goalline and hits a cross to the back stick. GAllas is in two mionds about heading or chesting and Van persie steals in to head, Gomes leaps and knocks it straight back to him. He snaffles the rebound and scores.

42nd Minute: My poor fingers. Beautiful half-volley from Huddlestone sails into the goal after the throw that came after Bale's treatment finished.

42nd Minute: If you want five goals, come to me. Tottenham had a corner seconds after scoring but Arsenal dealt with it. I should have stressed that Szczesny got to the ball before Bale and then clouted him with the force of his dive. Modric has a penalty appeal after dummying Djourou and cutting inside him and into the box. Djourou's arm does connect with the Croat's throat so it could have been a penalty. I'd have to see it again. Butch Wilkins "has seen them given"

45 Minutes +3 : Walcott again almost gets the bounce of the ball to beat Dawson when it's played over the top for him to run on to but Dawson does well to flick it back to Gomes. Clichy is then booked for a lunge. Dawson takes the free kick long into the box and Crouch heads down but inaccurately and the keeper easily picks it up.

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The first half ends there. Update coming soon!

Watching a football match with friends in public is surely the best thing that we could do in the holidays!

GO GUNNERS!

And I'll cover the Real Madrid Vs Barcelona game later since I'm too held up with the amazing football being played by Arsenal and the Spurs right now!